DAY 10
I have had many people ask me today how I am doing. I am guessing they saw the DOD reports today as well. Five Marines in four days :'0( .. All I can do right now is say a prayer for their families. This will be a fear of mine until this deployment is over, that one of these days it possibly being my child, but for today I am grateful it wasn't. But Thank You so very much for being concerned about me. I really appreciate that you are watching out for me, and praying for my son and his safety. I am leaving this subject now, as I know there are families out there that are severely heart broken for losing their child and it breaks my heart.
I did get to hear from Jerod last night. He called me late in the night and I talked with him for about 10 minutes. I let him off the phone because there is a wife that needed to hear from him as well. I do not mind sharing. I was so excited that I got to talk to him that I just tossed and turned basically evaded sleep. So I jumped out of bed and came back to the computer. Soon as my facebook connected I was surprised to see a green dot. I got to talk to Jerod for a while longer and my night was complete once he signed off. I couldn't sleep because deep down inside I was being drawn to the computer as my son needed to talk to his mom again. I am so very happy that I listened to my gut and came back into the kitchen.
Some people think I am weird when I say I can feel different things. Honestly, I can point things out long before they happen. When there is something going on with my kids, I swear I know it before they do. It has freaked them out many times. It's a gift or curse. Sometimes I wish I didn't know! I firmly believe it depends on how close you are as a family. If you are very close with your children, you know as much if not more than they do. Well wait a minute.. back up... I DO know more than they do, but I know when there is a problem, or something to be happy about before they come and tell me.
I have been accused of not letting my son grow up and become the young man that he is. That I am treating him like a child. Unfortunately this person does not know how close me and Jerod really are. This person chose not to know and that is unfortunate for them. What really happens is Jerod asks my opinion on almost EVERYTHING he does before he does it. Not because I make him, but because he wants to. See, Jerod knows his momma is actually pretty darn smart. He has learned on many occasions that I do not give him all the information he needs because I am being a bitch. He has learned that doing things his way and doing this my way are two totally different things. He may decide that his way is the better choice, but almost always has to go back and do it a second time called moms way. So, I am not holding him back from being an adult, I am still teaching him to be an adult by HIS choice. It's not about me, its about him. I am raised, he needs help and when I am asked for it, I give it. Its as simple as that. I am not mad at the person who made that comment to me in any way, I just hope they understand that being a parent does not end when they turn 18. I am 35 and still ask my mom to help me with things, or what her opinion is on things, and by golly I will try it my way because I think I am smarter, and low and behold if I would have listened to my mom even though I am 35, I wouldn't have had to do it twice.
Now, Chrissy on the other hand.. She is actually smarter than me. I do not know where she has become the smart one in all of this. She can give advice that makes me look stupid. I have been known to go to her when I can't fix something or find the right words to say. Granted, she still needs mom on occasion. My instincts are still spot on with her though. I know with her just like I do with others when stuff is just not right. She is the only one of the three that I will not ever have to worry about. I am missing her a lot though and she is right here in the house. She has gotten so independent and spends the majority of her time with her boyfriend. I cherish every single chance I get to spend some time with her. Even if it is a quick trip to the grocery store. I love her smile, even at 17 years old, it melts my heart.
I guess the moral of my rambling tonight is when you are completely in tune with your children, you know when they need you because you can feel it. If you can go and lay your head down at night and not have the feeling that one of your children or a loved one needs you, you need to get closer to them. We all need something all the time, because life is not perfect. If it was perfect, we wouldn't need anyone but ourselves. I need more than just myself, and so do my children, because our lives are far from perfect.
No comments:
Post a Comment